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"The trials and tribulations of the humor-impaired"
{January 13, 2001}

Hey there. This is the first time I've done anything like this. I guess you could say I'm an online-column-virgin. I'm not really worried about it, though. If this goes anything like my first sexual experience, there'll be plenty of laughs - so I'm not worried.

In this column, I will answer questions on any topic about love, relationships or sex... oh, um - wait.. no. I'm sorry, that's not me. I am, however, a comedy whore: I don't care if you're laughing with me or at me... as long as you're laughing.

My name is Chad. Go ahead, say something incredibly stupid about Florida and the election. I know you want to. People can't seem to hold back. All my life I've made fun of everything and everybody and finally it has come back to me. Which is fine. I'm a big boy, I can take it. I love "snaps" and "playing the dozens." (Of course, I also love making a big deal out of using "quotey fingers" while pausing for effect and making a really stupid face... but I digress.)

Jokes at my expense don't bother me - hell, they're the bread-n-butter of my personality. What does bother me are lame jokes. Well crafted, fine-tuned, perfectly honed comedy is solid gold. Going up to someone named Chad and asking, "Hey, Chad... how's it HANGING?" is a sure sign that you are humor-impaired. In fact, I'll go out on a limb here.. if that's the best you've got - if that's the stinging zinger you let loose... I'd venture to guess that you are comedy handicapped.

If that's the case, next time you think of something you feel is funny, do us all a favor.. keep it to yourself. No, on second thought get up in front of everybody and say it as loud as you can. Then when it's my turn I'll seem like a comedy genius.

Go to www.chadmriden.com/election/ for "Chad's Explained: A Visual Explanation Of The Terms Used By The Palm Beach County, Florida, Canvassing Board," my generic response to all "chad" jokes. And don't forget to ity-- your way to www.chadmriden.com/ for more pointless crap... uh, I mean up-to-the-minute Chad updates.

Comment on this column in the Mangy Forum!