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Cameo Mentions and Life Long Missions

I haven't written a new column in a while.. I've been pretty busy volunteering down at the Senior Center, comforting crack babies and learning to tango. I've also been doing more and more standup (to everyone's dismay) and shameless self-promotion. Take a look at some of my virtual whoring over on www.ChadMRiden.com and www.NashvilleStandup.com.

Yes, the masses have been flocking to the sites and live shows like flies to roadkill. Who can blame them? Everybody loves the funny ha-ha's. Even some big name funny people are taking notice.

On January 15, 2002 the Late Show with David Letterman's website gave www.ChadMRiden.com a shout-out. "The Wahoo Gazette" is a daily backstage look at the inner workings of the Late Show (and the inner workings of production coordinator, Mike McIntee's mind). It is, without a doubt, the greatest thing since the last greatest thing.

The next day, I was still riding that wave of love and free promotion.. I didn't think I could top the previous day.. but wouldn't ya know.. they followed up the mention of me with a nod to www.NashvilleStandup.com! Thanks go out to Mike and everybody else working hard to entertain America at the Late Show.

It was a wonderful surprise to get a Cameo Mention.. partially because I've never actually seen the show. There hasn't been much of a chance for me to watch any television over the last ten years or so.. Life has been hard, and recreational time has been short. You see, all my talk about these "events" going on in Nashville is a load of crap. In reality, I have been living in the dumpsters on 53rd street in New York City since the summer of 1993.

It began innocently enough. I was a huge fan of the syndicated late night phenomenon, The Arsenio Hall Show. I was pretty deep into the dark world of Arsenio fandom.. I was one of his "dawgs," if you will. However, I had just brushed the surface of what would soon become the driving force of my existance.

One fateful day in July of 1993 I requested a mission from my direct superiors in "The Dawg Pound" as a symbolic gesture of my ultimate dedication to The Cause: complete propogation of Arsenioism. I was to dedicate my remaining days to keeping a close watch on this David Letterman fellow. There was some sort of hooplah concerning the migration of said comedian from the employ of one evil global conglomerate to another morally deprived multi-national corporation. My duty would be to scour the streets in search of the closely guarded secret to Letterman's power.

Logically, I began my quest by rooting thru the garbage of the Ed Sullivan Theater looking for comedy leftovers.. any scrap of discarded funny ha-ha's would do. I was to report back to The Arseniosa with all I learned.

To cut a long story down to delicious bite-sized pieces, let me say that my ongoing mission continued as successfully as the great Arsenio Hall Show itself. To minimize the time squandered by commuting from Los Angeles to New York every day, I moved my residence to the Easternmost refuse recepticle proudly standing adjacent to the home of the Late Show.

I mostly found bits of sandwiches and memos from the office of Mike McIntee declaring his intentions to be more "MikeMacadocious.." but my mission wasn't limited to scouring for such self-indulgent tidbits. Another major part of my calling was to sit near my new home and give Dave the middle finger every morning as he comes to work. This, to me, was the most rewarding part of the job.

It's strange, because I've continued to conduct my research from my outpost in the dumpster even though I haven't heard from the main office in a while. I'm guessing that Arsenio is doing so well that they're not really worried about me. All I know is that my off-shore trust fund must be bursting with Arsenio-dollars by now.. but that's not why I do this.. no, no.. I do it for the love of the craft.

P.S.: Today (February 1, 2002) is David Letterman's 20th anniversary in late night television. Congratulations, Dave! Thanks for entertaining me for as long as I can remember.