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Thanks For Nothing

Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite times of the year. The trees are beautiful, the grass has stopped growing, football season really heats up, people gather to eat enormous meals, and we're just few weeks away from Christmas and New Years.

The only downside to this time of year I can think of off hand is the leaves all over the yard. I'm not a stickler about raking them up as soon as they fall - I love walking thru the piles, kicking them around for a while. Even when it's time to do some yard work, I don't mind raking them.. that's part of the fun. What burns me is that when you're shuffling thru leaves, your chances of unknowingly slopping thru a pile of dog crap goes up 80%.

Weather we want to or not, it's almost inevitable that we start thinking about what we are thankful for. Why? Because every half-wit asks you, "what are you thankful for?" Plus, people desperate for column ideas write about what they're thankful for, forcing you to be somewhat introspective. Either you begin reflecting upon the past year and your entire life.. or you take one look and ity- your way over to some wholesome, seasonal, hard-core porn.

I have a lot to be thankful for. I'm writing and performing comedy, and am lucky enough to be able to spend most of my evenings hanging out and enjoying other comedians among friends. I have a great job, a wonderful family, the pimpin'est dog, and good health. Nobody's trying to kill me (that I know of), I don't have some weird festering, dripping rash, I haven't knocked anybody up, and there's no silly drama in my life.

Things are going pretty good for me, but that's not all I'm happy about. I'm thankful for what's going on in the world around me. I've got plenty of things to make fun of... Michael Jackson is back, Britney Spears has a new album, and the Cute Boy Band craze continues. Benefit concerts abound, the Emmy Award Show was postponed until nobody on the planet cared anymore, Temptation Island 2 is on tv, and Jennifer Lopez is shooting another movie.

Even politics are conducive to comedy. We're bombing the hell outta Afghanistan, so it's ok again to make fun of people who wear turbans and ride camels. There's so much unfocused patriotism floating around that you can randomly start chants of "USA! USA! USA!" no matter where you are and you're instantly a hero. Strap a $10 US flag to your $40,000 foreign vehicle, and you're a rolling monument of American pride!

Yes, the world is falling apart at the seams.. and that's just fine with me.