NOT DR. PHIL SAYS:


DEAR EILEEN GRAHAM,

Look, honey, I know exactly where you're coming from . . . In fact, I was reading the Bible today, and I read this passage which, in my humble non-therapisty opinion, is the pure gospel . . . I refer you to First Faggonians, 7:982:

"And, LO, the gay man did look around, and seeing nary a gloryhole in sight, Bruce did decree that a great Faggening shall occur, and LO and forsooth, Bruce did decree that the queer and the fag and the fudgepacker shall unite under an umbrella of offensive terms, and using those terms, and an intricate series of fanny packs, they shall be reminded of those crappy experiences in high school where they were shunned for their existence.

And . . . LO!

The Fancy Men of Galilee did decide that in spite of the ridicule and brickbats and public burnings they would endure, LO, they would travel to Key West and spend excessive amounts of time looking at examples of interior design.  While doing that, they would do a little dance, just to piss off Jesus."

So, as you can see, Eileen Graham, you're exactly right.  Oh, those silly queers and their preternatural beliefs. Will they ever learn?  Or at least be converted through a series of skanky prostitutes so that they may see the true way.

The Ambassador of Lambasting Jackassery,
Not Dr. Phil