Enjoy the Dr. Phil Random Quote Generator
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Compiled and written by Mangy
Dog
Ever
since Mangy Dog created the
Dr. Phil Random
Quote Generator, we have been deluged with letters praising us
for our cleverness, our greatness, and our perfection.
Unfortunately, we have also been bombarded with letters from idiots
with severe emotional problems.
"Letters Meant
for Dr. Phil" is a column written by the Mangy staff,
designed to showcase these idiots in a forum that is both mocking and
mean-spirited. Enjoy, and if you still think that we're Dr. Phil,
write us today!
Ah yes, just when I thought people would learn,
and The
Seattle Times would resolve this mess once and for all, along comes another
delightful letter . . . After all of this time, people are STILL sending us Letters Meant for Dr. Phil. Thankfully, Mangy needs content, so let's get right to this week's goober, a lovely lady in the heart of Trailer Country:
> THE SHOW THIS WEEK ON CUSTOSY BATTLES I GOT SO UPSET WHEN THE FATHER
> SAT THERE AND ACTED LIKE HE DIDNT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS..SHE
> WAS TAKING OUT THE HEAT WHERE WAS HIS ASS WHEN THE BABY WAS BORN. HE
> WAS APART OF IT.WAS DIDDNT HE HAVE THE CHILD? BUT I WAS WAITING FOR
> YOU TO START WITH HIM BUT NOTHING MORE OR LESS YES IT MADE ME MAD.IT
> MADE IT SOUND LIKE ALL WAS HER FAULT WILL IT TOOK HIM TO SO WHERE WAS
> HIS BUTT AT INSTAND OF HIS MOTHER HAVING HIS SON. AND WHEN HE SAID
> SPREAD HER LEGS I JUST ABOUT JUMP THOUGH THE TV AT HIM..I WATCH YOUR
> SHOWS SOME HELP USE EVEN BUT THIS ONE WAS NOT RIGHT AT ALL. I DO FEEL
> FOR THE LITTLE BOY BECAUSE THEY WONT STP THERE FIGHTING I JUST DONT
> THINK THEY WILL AND THE LITTLE BOY IS GOING TO BE THE HURT ONE IN THE
> LONG RUN.
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DEAR GRAMMAR-HATER,
Hey, hey, hey . . . Let's turn off the caps, Chickie! There's no need to turn this into a screaming contest. Your Shift key privileges need to be revoked. Now, in regards to your question, I'd say . . . Wait, where was the question? OHH, you're sending Dr. Phil, or at least me, your thoughts. Well, thank you! Like you, I hope that custosy returns soon to the Momm instand of the father who diddn't no nothin no better. It's like you can read my mind! A few minutes after the above rant, the same person wrote back, this time with a query about her own personal crises, or, as she might call it, kryseeez: |
> HI.I HAVE SEEN YOU FIX ALOT OF FAMILY BUT IF YOU MET AND SEEN OUR
> FAMILY YOU WOULD SAY NO WAY..I DONT KNOW IF IT CAN BE SAVED OR NOT BUT
> I AM TRYING NOT TO GIVE UP.BUT THERE IS TIME THAT I CANT TAKE IT.BUT I
> GUESS YOU HEAR ALOT OF THIS.THE FAMILY THE TRAILER AND ALL IS FALLING
> APART.SO I GUESS PEICIES FALL WHERE THEY FALL. THANK YOU MARGO
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DEAR MARGO,
It's clear that you have many strikes against you, Margo . . . For example, I see that no one taught you the "I before E except after C" rule. I know that it's smug and obnoxious of me to mock a person's spelling and grammar deficiencies with an air of superiority. But seriously: Why are you so dumb and stupid, you dumb, stupid, dumbass? While your letter is vague, I have no doubt that you live in a trailer, which reminds me: "Peicies" do fall where they fall, but you can't just sit there with asbestos in your living room . . . Sweep that fucker up, plug that hole in the ceiling, and pray the next tornado heads toward Omaha.
Kiss-my-assingly Yours, Not Dr. Phil
P.S. Tell your chapter of the Toby Keith Fan Club that we say hello! |
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