Ever
since Mangy Dog created the Dr. Phil Random
Quote Generator, we have been deluged with letters praising us
for our cleverness, our greatness, and our perfection.
Unfortunately, we have also been bombarded with letters from idiots
with severe emotional problems.
"Letters Meant
for Dr. Phil" is a column written by the Mangy staff,
designed to showcase these idiots in a forum that is both mocking and
mean-spirited. Enjoy, and if you still think that we're Dr. Phil, write us today!
We've got a two-fer for you this time . . .
enjoy!
You can't skin a cat with goat!
NOT DR. PHIL SAYS:
HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Oh, man, I know what you mean, LMAO!!! LOL!!!!! ROTFLMAO!!!!
XDFCRZSGH!!!!! HAHAH!!! Oh, boy, that's rich, that's just . . . um .
. . wait, WHAT?!?!?
OH, I get it . . . this is a reader's version of one
of the stupid quotes from Chad and Jesse's little random thingee . .
. Whatever.
Let me get Jesse over here, maybe he can make sense
out of this while I grab some cocoa:
Hey there, Stranger, Jesse Perry here . . . I loved
that submission, and it's great to see that people are just as enthusiastic
for the Dr. Phil Random Quote Generator as they were when it first came
out. It's really helped our viewer base grow, and we're very appreciative.
We're not looking for submissions for it, but thanks
for letting us know you visit the site,
Thanks alot,
Jesse
Okay, back to you, Not. Dr. Phil . . .
Thank ya there, Hacky O' BaldSpot! Your reply to this
incoherent goof was as witty and clever as your stand-up. Where the
hell's my paycheck, bitch?
Piss Off, Boss,
Not Dr. Phil
Now, on the next letter:
Dr Phil. I never miss your show on T.V I try to get everyone I know to
watch it, cuz I want to talk to inteligent people about everyday problems. You
are great, keep up the good work PLEASE don't let us down.
"Andie P."
NOT
DR. PHIL SAYS,
Well,
Andster, thanks for the letter . . . It's nice to know that you place
your hope and faith in people that you've never even met. That will come
in handy later on in life. If you're ever in a bad car wreck, try screaming,
"SAVE ME, SANTA CLAUS!" Let me know if it works.
I
can understand your desire to talk to intelligent people . . . If I couldn't
spell "intelligent," I would seek counsel as well. Maybe you
should go to a library, or sneak into a laboratory and hang out with the
doctors and scientists. . . They're some pretty intelligent folks, and
I bet they'd love to study your pathetic ass.
However,
if you want to talk about everyday problems, you came to the right place.
Let me go first: Just the other day, this nimrod wrote me a short email
filled with questionable spelling and grammar. For some reason, this goof
thought that I was actually Dr. Phil, because of this generator that a
couple of guys created. It clearly stated on the page that the site was
not associated with Dr. Phil, but that didn't stop said nimrod from viewing
this page as a way to directly contact Dr. Phil himself. Here's my dilemma:
How do I tell the person that she's a fucking moron? Help me, Andie, I
beg of you. PLEASE don't let me down.
