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Penis
Surgery I was like, "who is this?" "Your doctor." "I don't have a doctor." "Well, you shouldn't have penis surgery without one." "How do you know?" "I'm a doctor." "How do I know?" "You're gullible." "No, I'm not." "Really it's me, Dad." "Oh, hi Dad." 'Gotcha. I just did that to prove how gullible you are." "What time's my surgery." "That's what I'm calling about, we don't have any records of you at the office." So, all day I've been going in for appointments to establish a medical history the first few were routine common hourly checkups, but the fourth was for a missing toe which was accidently amputated during a previous appointment. When I got home, the phone rang. "I'll meet with you tomorrow at 4pm about the malpractice suit. This is your lawyer." I finally got the penis surgery which was much less intrusive than I was told I thought it would be. According to the doctor, when it stops healing, my legs should look about 4 inches longer. So, sorry if I'm still groggy from the sedatives they said I took. Before today, I never believed to need penis surgery, but after today, I know I had believed to need surgery. I asked my doctor what the name of this particular penis surgery was besides "penis surgery" and he said there wasn't a name, it was invented when there were no other penis surgeries around, and so doctors didn't know there would be others. Now, we have all kinds of surgeries named after celebrity baseball players and surgical procedures, but back then, there was one operation that every man got no matter his level of fame, race, creed or gender. The doctor said that scarring is natural when someone cuts you a lot. And, If I have sensitive hands, I should be able to feel the added texture during sex. I'm not interested in attempting sex with an open wound. My father, who I recently discovered is a doctor of midwestern medicine. My father would often complain of having sex with a nasty gash. Stepdad, same. Said it was awful. Anyway, at the doctor I got some pamphlets on what they call "optional surgeries." I'm not sure about them yet, but I'll wait till the swelling goes down (I don't want anyone to think I'm a pervert), and go to a nude beach, or a semi-nude beach -- even if I have to be the semi part. Then, I'll show around the fruit of my loins to find out if people think it's a lemon or a... what's a good fruit? I'll show around my new penis, ask advice and find out if the optional surgery is even necessary. So, after this full day, I'm glad I could do this article and get some attention for something other than my penis. It's good to be focused on for my writing skills. Good night. (To learn more about Scot Nery, head on over to his website, www.jugglegood.com. Concerned, attractive females can contact him at peeonuglychicks@aol.com , or can call him at 415-871-9699.)
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