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by The Mangy Dog staff

Mangy Dog.com is dedicated to examining crap and calling it names. Since we live in an era where Zsa Zsa Gabor can be called a "legend" even though she has no discernible talent, our job is pretty easy. At one time or another, everyone gets needless accolades thrown at them, even if they don't deserve it. That's where we come in. The intrepid staff at Mangy Dog has compiled a list of the most overrated people, places, and events. Some of these were pretty simple, fish in a barrel and all that.  However, many of these choices were difficult ones, and in fact weren't even unanimous. During the making of this list, fisticuffs broke out at the Mangy offices several times. However, friendship be damned, we got it done.

We plan on constantly updating this list with YOUR contributions. We invite you to send in your thoughts on the matter, and we will gladly steal your idea and take credit for it. Let me rephrase that. We will gladly not steal your idea and give you credit for it. We look forward to your submissions, now let's begin:

1) Billy Joel. Pat Boone for Tough Guys.

2) Al Pacino's performance in "Scent of a Woman." His ability to scream and devour scenery led to an Oscar, meeting Criteria #5 on the list.

3) Julia Roberts. Sure, Jesse's gonna have sex with her, but that doesn't mean she can act worth a damn.

4) Keanu Reeves. "Whoa, I'm a fuckwit."

5) Princess Diana. When she passed away, we really did lose our best-looking pointless figurehead.

6) The Gulf War. What exactly did this accomplish again?

7) Nirvana's "Nevermind." An OK album, but the way it branded a whole generation as manic-depressive losers cannot be forgiven.

8) Pamela Anderson. A living blow-up doll. Extra credit for not realizing that sharing a needle with TOMMY LEE of MOTLEY CRUE might possibly be unsafe.

9) Aerosmith after 1980. As they release their 415th consecutive power ballad, one realizes what made them rock so long ago: heroin.

10) The Crusades. One of the first great "My God can beat up your God" struggles. Lasted several hundred years. Actually accomplished less than the Gulf War.

11) "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton. The perfect song for drunk Alabama divorcees at 3 AM. "Ah luv you, Cody . . ." "Ah luv you, Clara Mae."

12) The Eagles. Their middle-of-the-road crap is made all the more galling by their own self-importance. Has Don Henley ever smiled?

13) Garth Brooks. He just might be the devil.

14) Harmony Korine. Writer of "Kids" and director of "Gummo," the newest jackass to make glue-sniffing morons think they're deep. "Dude . . . it's SOCIETY."

15) Star Trek. A television show that has had religions built around it. If that's not the very definition of "overrated," we don't know what is.

16) Dave Matthews Band. We'd probably like this better if we were drunk teenage girls.

17) "Absolutely Fabulous." See, it's a self-absorbed negligent mother that abuses drugs and booze with her whore friend. Get it?

18) The Olympics. Like we said earlier, they mean nothing.

19) The Children. What do Hitler, Osama, Attila the Hun, and Martha Stewart have in common? At one point, they were all children. Let's face it, in this world, you don't mean shit until you're 21. The most overrated demographic since 70+.

20) Golf. Would benefit from a name change, like "Rich People Fuckin' Around."

21) MAD TV. Despite what some people say, this is nowhere near as funny as "Saturday Night Live." Which brings us to . . .

22) Saturday Night Live. Take away Will Ferrell and Robert Smigel, and you've got nothin'.

23) Mangy Dog.com. Who are these assholes to judge anybody?

24) Hockey. Because the regular season doesn't matter, and the playoffs are just as long as the regular season.

25) McDonald's. How they've made that much money with the swill they serve is beyond us.

26) Europe. Kirk Riden always says, "Anybody worth a damn left and came to America a long time ago."

27) Technology. Gadgets are cool, but until you can build me a transporter.. just shut up.

28) Supermodels. 'Cause we're not shallow.. and we didn't have a chance anyway.

29) 3rd World Nations. So, your country sucks? Here's an idea: leave.

30) The Middle East. We GET it! You don't like each other.. Damn. When the story of your argument starting is in THE BIBLE, maybe it's time to let it go.

31) Victims. "Boo hoo! Life dealt me some tough blows!" Yeah, me too. Except I'm not a pussy about it. Either you get over it and move on or you can be a damn loser.

32) Digital Cable. $65 a month for the same old shit and a huge converter box.

33) Hollywood. Who fucking cares?

34) Dance Clubs. Yeah, let's wait in line and pay a cover charge to get into a place full of smoke.. packed ass-to-ass, shoulder-to-shoulder with underage kids.. where you pay too much for drinks that take forever to get and you can't hear a damn word anybody is saying.

35) Cocaine. Can I please blow all my paycheck on some bullshit that shrinks my dick, makes me grit my teeth and turns me into a paranoid asshole?

36) Jay Leno. You're a hack, fuck-o. Even "Headlines" is a rip-off of Letterman's "Small Town News."

37) Resume People. "I've been doing this for ten years!" Yeah? Well, you're STILL not good at it.

38) Celibacy / Abstinence. Fuck that.

39) Radio DJ's. You're doing live remotes from car dealerships. When did this job stop being cool?

40) Your car. Getting some wheels doesn't make you a pimp. Rich people are rich because they didn't waste their money on stupid bullshit like that.

NEW! READER SUBMISSIONS

SPORTS FAN (location unknown) writes in with her list:

1. All commercial airlines in America-- Please let me pay a lot of money to sit next to a hairy, sweaty man that won't shut up in a cramped space and be treated badly by cranky flight attendants as a pre-cursor to arriving late at my destination without my luggage. Thanks for the peanuts, fucker.

2. Jr. League Women-- You had the girl scouts and your stupid sorority, now grow up Princess Candy Ass.

3. Working more than 40 hours a week and being sanctimonious about it-- Just because you are too much of a dumb fuck to say no, don't be so high and mighty about it.

4. Krispy Kreme glazed donuts-- C'mon, they're wet donuts--YUCK!

5. Starbucks coffee-- Does paying 3x as much and being served by a gay guy really make it better? I think not.

6. Well-Endowed men-- Nice, very nice, but overrated....considering that most women can be satisfied by a well placed fingertip, there is plenty of hope for the little guy.

(Wow, a female sports fan that likes guys with tiny penises. Our entire staff has fallen in love. - MK9)

"VICTOR" from Knoxville, TN writes:

-- "Moulin Rouge":  the director said it: "We wanted to take a simple story and tell it in a complicated way." Yeah, that's what FILM SCHOOL is for!

-- HGTV: this channel has probably caused more accidental deaths in the home than hot dogs, and makes wealthy suburbanites think they can actually do something worthwhile around the house.

-- toothless blowjobs: that's the dream right? Well, no. And crack whores smell funny too.

-- Crackerjacks: they still make these from popcorn and dog vomit, right?

-- the internet: it'll enable us to do anything! Including post "nude" pictures of Kate Mulgrew. Oh boy!

-- Halle Berry's chest: you should have shown us this a LONG time ago. Now it's just sad.

-- Nicole Kidman in general: as someone once said about another overrated actress, "She shows the range of emotions from A to B."

-- television (with the possible exception of America's Funniest Pets): it should be clear to everyone that the source of all America's problems is TV. Wouldn't we all be better getting our news from the paper?

-- America's Funniest ANYTHING (except maybe pets): oh, look! Another football in the groin! There's a fine line between this and "Faces of Death."

-- "Flesh Gordon": ah, you're too young to remember...

-- neighborhood watch programs: as in "neighborhood watch TV and figure some other guy is paying attention programs."

-- uptight suburban housewives: aside from the occasional toothless blowjob, what do they DO exactly?

-- the youth of America: if you watch "Survivor," "Blind Date," or any other youth-themed reality TV, you've already realized the youth of America are a spoiled bunch of ninnies. 'Nuff said.

-- Pepsi with lemon: next year it'll be Dr. Pepper with urine.

-- Congress: this is way too easy...

-- my pants: yes, my pants are keen. But they are so much better crumpled next to your bed!

"E. HONESTLY" from Nashville chimes in:

Bob Dylan: Whoda thunk it? A self important Minnesota boy with an old guitar who mumbles his lyrics makes the top of my list.

Toby Keith: Take away the biceps and cowboy hat & he's just another punk the Hip-Hop culture flushed.

Arlo Guthrie: Still cashing Daddies royalty checks, you fraud?

Steve Miller: If you continue singing Fly Like an Eagle I will be forced to punish you. Repeatedly. Without mercy.

Joan Baez: Please....

Elvis: Rip-off artist and no talent hack. He didn't care who he stole from. Just ask Carl Perkins.

Wynona Judd: She's nothing without her mother and even then it's mediocre.

Willie Nelson: Who gives a shit? If it wasn't for Waylon he'd be in the grooveyard of forgotten favorites.

R.E.M.: That fuckwad Michael Stipe drives me insane.

Sting: REM without the band.

Guns & Roses: The only hair band of the eighties with talent and Asshole Rose turns out to be a schmuck. Salsh was decent though.

The Mormon Tabernacle Choir: Anybody can make 5,000 voices sound good.

Beck: Am I the only one not to get this guy?

Steven Tyler: Until he does something new like retire, he stays on the list.

Eric Clapton: Whore.

Michael Jackson: Only in America can a poor, black man grow up to be a rich, white woman. Oh and by the way, there is no racial bias against your album. It just sucks.

 

Do you know of something that's incredibly overrated? Send it in today!