Jesse Perry – “Films I Currently Have In Development”
As the Head Mogul here at Mangy Dog Productions, I prefer to keep my upcoming projects under wraps, because the hype would quickly spiral out of control. However, I have time to kill and a need to post content, so I’m going to tell you anyway! Here is a list of the upcoming films Mangy Dog will be releasing in the next year (feel free to forward this to Variety, as they’ve blocked my email address):
The Hammock – Josh Hartnett stars as a suburban dad that just wants to take a nap in the backyard. But can he get on . . . The Hammock? Get caught in a net of lies this summer.
Movie Flick – The Wayans Brothers team up with Friedberg & Seltzer to make the spoof to end all spoofs, which features over 6 million shitty jokes, one for every movie ever made. The movie lasts for 2 weeks and stars Carmen Electra.
Hamlet, With A Couple of Car Chases – This one’s fairly self-explanatory. Alternate title: Ronin & Guildenstern Are Dead.
Rest N’ Peace – Chaz Rest and T-Bone Peace are a couple of wacky morticians that end up falling in love with the same corpse, played by Carmen Electra. Robert Duvall plays a robot.
Tyler Perry’s Walk This Way – Tyler Perry brings back his beloved character Medea. This time, Medea decides to form the ultimate Aerosmith tribute band, but the original members of Aerosmith are out to stop her. Movie tagline: “Tyler Perry vs. Tyler / Perry”
Space Battles – The film starts with this title: “A while back, in a galaxy wayyyyy over there . . .” After that, it’s just a lame rip-off of Star Wars.
A River Too Wet – Gwyneth Paltrow stars as a rugged Alaskan fisherman that falls in love with a carp played by Keanu Reeves. Carmen Electra co-stars as a rock that Gwyneth skips across the lake which ends up killing Carp-Keanu. (Spoiler!)
Beach Foreclosure Party – The economic crisis leaves the entire population of Malibu homeless. Kelsey Grammer snorts the ashes of a dead Lindsay Lohan, and is inspired to turn the devastated wasteland into a swingin’ resort. Featuring music by The Jonas Brother. Kirstie Alley co-stars as the beach.
Yes, this promises to be an exciting year for Mangy Dog Productions, so kick back and watch us make money! Better yet, buy a CD.
Jesse Perry relaxing with Jessica Alba on the set of "Beach Foreclosure Party"
Damn you! Now we're all faced with the dilemma of wanting to spank it to Alba while photoshopped Jesse Perry watches.
Close your right eye and party down.
Nonsense, nothing sets the mood like a big dumb umbrella hat.