Mangy Dog

A Serious Man.

In the last dealie I wrote, I typed out the following:

“Well, the economic crisis that started just last week (THANKS FOR NOTHING, OBAMA!) is steadily getting worse.  Everyone’s panicking, and rightfully so, as everything was fine when Bush was president, and now this guy comes in and everything got crappy all of a sudden (OUT OF THE BLUE!) and it’s his fault and his fault alone and analytical thinking is gay and you ain’t no better than me and WHERE’S ALL THAT CHHAAAAANGGEE WE WUZ HEARIN’ ABOUT?

I love living in Tennessee!”

You may not have caught it, but I was being sarcastic.  Yes, it’s subtle (“analytical thinking is gay”?  Seriously?), but it’s actually a thinly veiled jab at the knee-jerk hillbilly goofballs that I seem to hear every time I venture out to the Citgo.  Combine that with the utterly retarded political sentiments that seem to pop up every hour or so on my Facebook  (“WE’RE LOSIN R KUHNTREE  LIDLE BY LIDLE OMG hI CoDy xoxoXo”), and it’s enough to make a sarcastic guy write a sarcastic thing on a blog filled with examples of sarcastic sarcasm.

Well, one guy didn’t get my sarcasm at all, and he made a point of letting me know.

This individual went by the online name of “Jimmy D’Angistosa.”  I Googled his name, but got no results.  I like to think this is because he visited Mangy Dog as part of his first time ever on the Internet.  Mr. D’Angistosa was enraged by Mr. Meanie’s cruel swipes at President Obama, and left the following comment:

You’ve gotta be kidding me if you honestly think that the economy went bad the moment Obama stepped his foot over the threshold into the oval office.

If the comment had ended here, I could have just helpfully said, “Yep, I was kiddin’ kthanxbye” and moved on with my life.  But no, Jimmy had to teach me a lesson because I just . . . didn’t . . . get it.   TAKE IT AWAY, JIMMY DANG!

You’ve gotta be kidding me if you honestly think that the economy went bad the moment Obama stepped his foot over the threshold into the oval office. I mean where have you been on another planet for the past 8 years or what? Do you not know that the very thing that caused the economy to go bad and into this recession that we are facing now is all because of BUSH starting a fake ass war in order to cure his long time personal itch to kill both Sadam Hussein and his two sons because they threatened to kill his fatherwith a bomb at a place where he was making a speach some years earlier. Sighting some fake and made up weapons of mass destruction that they supposedly had over there that he just had to start a war to have our troops go over there and knock the entire country over all for nothing. Where were you at when it has been announced all over the news for about 6 years that there was NEVER, EVER ANY MASS WEAPONS FOUND OVER THERE , EVER, ANYWHERE? War, all for nothing that is going to cause us all to suffer for the next 12 years. Because that’s just how long I predict it will take to get back to normal from here.

Lastly, where have you been when again it has been reported by the world’s top economists and announced on the NIGHTLY NEWS each and every night on ABC for the past 8 years that the fake assed war IN IRAQ was COSTING THE UNITED STATES $255 MILLION DOLLARS EACH & EVERY SINGLE DAY, 1.8 MILLION DOLLARS PER WEEK, AND NOW IT’S ESTIMATED THAT IT WILL COST A WHOPPING 2 TRILLION DOLLARS TO HAVE THE WHOLE THING FINALLY FINISHED WITH. DO THE MATH, NOW WHO DO YOU REALLY THINK IS THE CAUSE FOR THE ECONOMIC RECESSION that we are faced with right now with the factual numbers that I just gave to you and that were spent way before Barack Obama got into office?
WHO, I ASK YOU??? HAVE YOU REALLY CONVINCED YOURSELF THAT BARACK OBAMA IS THE PRIME SUSPECT WHO HAS CAUSED ALL OF THAT DEBT TO THIS COUNTRY, OR ARE YOU CRAZY ?

So you see my friend, they also have said that the United States has actually been in the actual “recession” stage as early as December 2007. However the Bush Administration all were such dirty-low-down-sneaky dogs that they failed to share that information with all of America then when it was really happening way back then while Obama was still out on the campaign trail trying to get in and fix all of this crap that Bush caused!!!

Don’t bother responding, I will never return to this page again to see it. Just had to respond to your unintelligent remarks and thoughts that President Obama is actually the cause of the bad economy only 60 days after he’s been in office, please, really ? You’ve gotta knwo better than that now. A man, woman, dog, monkey any thing could not run up almost a trillion dollars in debt in 60 days. Shoot, even the most crazed shop-a-holic woman on earth couldn’t do that, ha !
GET REAL WITH YOUR SELF !

Keep in mind, he was responding to a column that also included my praise of Tori Spelling’s nuanced acting.  Some thoughts:

First of all, James, my friend, “smirkity smuggity air quotes”, I am not crazy. I mean, I AM NOT CRAZY HOW ABOUT YOUR SELF WHICH IS ACTUALLY ONE WORD NOT TWO GAHHH?!?!?!?

Second of all, let’s get back to talking about me.  I’ve been thinking lately about trying to be a less sarcastic person, for one simple reason:  Nowadays, most people don’t get it.  I’m serious.  A few months ago, I realized that I had to start explaining every other thing I said to anyone that wasn’t a family member or friend I’ve known for 5+ years.  I got tired of having to say, “No, not really.”   As a result, I’m trying to be as non-sarcastic as I can be, in order for sarcasm-illiterate people to fully understand my meaning.  There’s only so many blank stares a guy can get at Burger King.  I’m working on being more direct, fully clarifying what is truly on my mind.

Another reason to ditch the sarcasm is  more practical. In this fast-paced world, people don’t have time to translate BS like “tone.”  Keep that up, and everything becomes a big Comprehension-Fest, and no thank ya, Frisco, because that would require stopping and thinking for two seconds, and HEAVEN FORBID YOU USE THE BRAIN IN YOUR SKU–  Sorry, sorry, sarcasm overload, apologies.  Let’s pretend this paragraph didn’t happen, even though I left it in the post for some reason.

As you can see, I’m working on it, and the only way I can get better is to practice.  Let’s do an exercise where I give Jimmy an honest straightforward answer, an answer that fully explains my thoughts and feelings with no sarcasm:

Dear Jimmy,

Since Jimmy made a big show of never coming back, why bother using this space for Jimmy?  Even if Jimmy is reading this, he’s a humorless jerk-off, so why would I want him here anyway?  As far as I’m concerned, he’s spam until he says something devoid of dipshittiness.

Most importantly, I want to encourage the person reading this now to please go to the Improv Nashville Theater on April 18th for the final Mangy Dog Live show at Improv Nashville Theater.  It’s closing at the end of the month, so come on down.

Please buy a CD,
Jesse Perry

Those are my sincere thoughts.