Well, Another One Night Stand with D's Nuts went tremendously well last week . . . good turnout in Clarksvegas, and there promises to be more throughout the month . . . hope to see you there! Go to www.NashvilleStandup.com for all of the info.

I would also like to give a quick shout-out to Matt Sterling for helping us film over the weekend. Ah yes, Mangy has tons o' goodness coming your way very soon . . . there should be some new video up starting today and througout the week, ya just gotta keep coming back for more! (Oh, and check out the "Fuck Tact" T-shirt we've got for sale at the Mangy Store. . . it'll be on sale until the end of this month, then we should have some more limited edition shirts just for you in the months ahead.)

Well, the Winter Olympics began in Salt Lake City over the weekend, and I'm hard pressed to give a damn. Is it possible to be a patriotic country-lover while at the same time not giving two shits about this spectacle? I think so . . . in fact, I'm living the dream as we speak.

The Olympics have never meant that much to me. Perfect example: I was at Charlie Pepper's in Knoxville with my best friend Bubba back in '96 . . . the opening ceremonies were in full swing on the TVs in the bar, and all of the drunk frat daddies were standing there, in glazed awe.

Suddenly, who should emerge to light the torch but the great Muhammad Ali, holding the torch in one hand, his other arm shaking violently due to the onset of Parkinson's Disease. This gave me an opening.

One of the fratties yelled out, "Hey, it's Muhammad Ali!"

"Yeah, and he's masturbating!!"

Well, at least Bubba laughed.

The bottom line is, it would be different if the Olympics truly were about the excellence of amateur athletics . . . of course, when Mario Lemieux's captain of Team Canada's hockey team, maybe these aren't as amateur as they let on.

You see, the Olympics is just another long-term institution that is ultimately butt-raped by corporations and assorted powerful old guys, just like churches, colleges, or Dairy Queens. The main purpose of the Olympics is to MAKE MONEY, and if it makes people give a shit about godforsaken places like Albertville or Lillehammer for a coupla weeks, well then, so be it.

To make matters worse, I don't think that many of these "grand games" are even sports. Have ya SEEN curling? It's essentially Synchronized Sweeping.

Then there's the biathlon, which confused me for the longest time. I always thought that the purpose of the biathlon was to bring a man and a woman both to orgasm in the shortest possible time, but I was misinformed as to the use of the word "bi." Instead, it's cross-country skiing and shooting, which, frankly, is MUCH less entertaining. Just because you combine two leisure-time activities into one thing, that doesn't suddenly make it a sport. Sometimes I jerk off while I eat Cheetos, but nobody calls me a biathlete, they just call me a Sad, Lonely, Man.

And of course, there's the creme de la creme of Gayness: figure skating. The fact that people get paid money to look that silly has been a prime motivator in getting me to look as silly as I possibly can. I don't want to be part of any profession in which one of my toughest jobs of the day is deciding which sequined unitard I'm going to wear. No sir, that's just not for me. When the one person to get people interested in it is a piece o' white trash that had to crack another chick's kneecap to get in as a prelude to videotaping her wedding night and beating her hubby with a hubcap, well, it's just not worth my time. I live in Nashville, I can see that crap every day.

Well, I shouldn't be so mean . . . I'm sure several of the athletes had to spend a good chunk of their parents' trust fund for the opportunity to skeleton, which is essentially what I did as a kid in the driveway when school was closed due to ice.

Of course, I didn't have the luxury of wearing that super-keen unitard. Unitard . . . isn't that a mentally handicapped guy with one leg? USA, USA, USA!!!!!!!

This is the MangyDog, over and out.