It's funny . . . I thought that February was Sweeps Month, in which the networks pulled out all the stops for a slice of the advertising meatloaf. As I write this, ice dancing is on NBC (think of it as figure skating, only gayer), "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" (or, as I like to call it, "the sucky one") is on ABC, and on ESPN, Kansas is beating Iowa State by 35 points in college basketball, a sport I would like much better if it were football. It's enough to make my chain-smoking ass want to light several butts simultaneously.

However, I'm digressing. It's been about a week since I've had a cigarette, not enough time to make me an American hero, but it is enough time to twitch violently at the thought of sweet, precious nicotine. The weird thing is, my health has not improved at all: My abs are still only mildly rock-hard, and I'm stuck with this 12-inch penis. Oddly, I haven't really craved a smoke, either . . . that is, until those damn Truth^TM advertisements popped up on my screen. I despise these commercials. Basically, if Johnny Knoxville did public service announcements, it would be this: placing smoking warnings in fresh piles of dog poop, dressing up as a dead rat and laying on the sidewalk, driving past tobacco executives' homes with a bullhorn in the dead of night . . . it's a nightmarish paradox: "Jackass" meets political correctness.

Just as "Freddy Got Fingered" signaled the end of the gross-out genre by getting studio funding for the most depraved behavior imaginable (well, at least by somebody that wasn't John Waters), these commercials signal the end of the extreme, "guerilla"-style DIY-fests that have taken over our airwaves. Suddenly, acting "wild and crazy" is the safest thing anyone can do. What was once "extreme" and "shocking" is now considered good marketing. Acting like a dumbshit isn't just encouraged, it's Corporate Approved^TM.

Ain't that a kick in the head? It seems like now the only way that we can truly buck the system is to act like thinking, rational adults. Dammit. It's a depressing realization when you come to understand that the best way to be a cultural vanguard is to act like your grandfather. The very thought is enough to make me smoke . . . and that's the Truth^TM! (And don't even get me started on how we live in a society where "Truth" is copyrighted.)

Using Your Brain - It's Extreme!

This is the MangyDog, over and out.