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First of all, the usual plugs: Don¹t forget to check out the archives, and join our mailing list if you haven¹t. Now, on with the story.

A CONFESSION
Well, this past week was a bit of a nothing week for me . . . did some work, forgot to pay some bills, and I killed a man. Oh, wait. . . I killed a man. Forgot about that. Let¹s talk about that.

It started out as your average Tuesday morning . . . I was drunk and looking at porn, periodically vomiting into a cup. I was craving breakfast when I heard a knock on my door.

I stumbled towards the door, mildly upchucking twice. I opened the door.

"Hello, sir!"

The cheeriest, chirpiest, chubbiest chap I¹d ever met greeted me. The stench from the vomit I was covered in didn¹t faze him. His teeth were still out and gleaming, his eyes ready to explode from his sockets. His cheeks were big and round and pink . . .all they were missing were nipples.

"How are you doing today, sir?"

"Agbhrfema . . ." Talking was difficult for me at that present time.

"Ha, yes, sir, I agree completely. How about this weather? Isn¹t it something? Seems like we haven¹t had any rain in months, but I gotta tell ya, just between you and me . . ."

He leaned in towards my puke-stained visage.

"I don¹t mind it! I love this warm weather!" He then laughed like an electrocuted gerbil.

I blew out a green-misted breath, getting closer and closer to vomiting again. My cherubic friend could sense this, and immediately cut to the chase.

"Zhurrrr . . ." I then stepped aside, and the bowlful of jelly waddled in and sat down. He looked around briefly at the discarded pizza boxes, cigarette burns, and cum stains that speckled my carpet. Amazingly, it didn¹t faze him. His bright smile was toothy as ever.

"Wan¹ beer?" I could pronounce "beer."

"No thanks, but I certainly apershiate it. You wanna have a seat next to me?"

"Are we gon¹ may cout?"

"OH, haha, no sir, no making out here, hoho!" His whole body shuddered and shook, his breasts lurching through his suit. "No, no . . . I¹d just like to talk to you about something very important, and I would like your undivided attention."

That seemed reasonable to me.

"Da¹ sheemz reezun . . ." I then stumbled to the bathroom.

TO BE CONTINUED

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