Well, Wednesday was quite exciting . . . Chad and I both had stand-up gigs . . . his was in Nashville while mine was in glorious Clarksville. Sadly, there were a couple of hitches:

1) The Nashville show only had about 8 people; and

2) The Clarksville show had NO people.

Let me repeat that: zero, nada, zilcheroonie, the opposite of something. AH yes, there's nothing like the sweet, robust stench of dismal failure to make me feel complete.  However, Chad's got me . . . he's a much bigger draw.

However, that does not mean that Nashville comedy is not successful. I encourage everyone to come on down to the Cantina on Tuesday . . . We've been getting larger and larger crowds, our shows are becoming more and more elaborate, plus it's FREE. All you gotta pay for is the sweet delicious booze, so go to www.nashvillestandup.com for more info, and SUPPORT NASHVILLE COMEDY, especially when it's free, you cheap-ass punks.

Bitter? Ohsure.

Alright, what else shall I blabber on about today?

- The other day, I was walking past a TV and the news was on. The sound was turned off, but the title graphic said, "Kiddie Porn Ruling." I don't know about you, but in my world, kiddie porn is ALWAYS ruling! YEAH, now I'm rockin' with Dokken! Sigh. Let's move on . . .

- When you get a chance, go to and do a search for "Meredith Viera," "Russell Crowe sucks," and "fuck Julia Roberts." You should see some familiar faces.

- My good friend Shawn is getting married this weekend . . . on 4-20. Strangely fitting.

- I recently heard from the lost love of my life, Amber . . . turns out she bought a baseball jersey at the Mangy Store before the offer expired. Thanks, Amber, and I encourage everyone to follow in her footsteps and the Mange. She promised to send me pictures of her in the shirt. I can't wait to see them. Sweet Christ, I'm lonely.

- The other day, I was watching SportsCentury (the "Behind the Music" of sports) on ESPN Classic, and they interviewed a guy that was labeled a "Central Wisconsin Baseball History Expert." Wow, that's gotta be a pretty tough field to get into. What requirements do you need to be a Central Wisconsin Baseball History Expert? I bet the first requirement is you have to give a flying turd about Central Wisconsin Baseball History.

Once I saw this "expert," though, it got me to thinking . . . EVERYBODY is an expert nowadays. On SOMETHING. For example, I'm currently a Central Tennessee early 21st Century Unsuccessful Comedy Show Expert. And I didn't even have to go to school for it! I am also a Prematurely Balding Bitter Guy Expert, as well as a Chronic Masturbation to Estelle Getty Expert. Soon, I hope to be a Dry Humping to Polaroids of Amber Expert. As you can see, I'm a man of many talents.

However, there are some experts that I have yet to see on television, and I'm waiting for them, because you just know they're out there somewhere. Here are some fields that are in dire need of some "experts," and who knows? Maybe someone reading this column will find their true calling:

• The History of Baby Punching
• Ted Nugent's Boots
• Giraffe Seduction
• Celebrity Boogers
• Famed Child Geniuses from Clarksville
• Erik Estrada's post-CHIPS career
• Bitchin' Parties Thrown by Mormons
• Funny Chicks ("BAM! He nails it out of the park! HOME RUN!")
• Improv Troupes that Don't Get Old Really Quickly
• Jesse Perry's Good Jokes

I'm gonna hop offa here . . . it appears that there are some bridges starting to catch fire around me. Until next time . . .

This is the MangyDog, over and out.