First of all, I want to thank the Anonymous Comedy Fan for their great guest column last week. It was tremendously inspiring, especially after the crappy crowds I endured all week (4 shows, grand total of MAYBE 40 people combined).  If there were more people like you, Comedy Fan, I could afford to live.

Well, it's a special time o' the year . . . summer's in full bloom, NFL Europe is on everyone's minds, and my birthday is coming up. This Monday, June 3rd, I will turn 27 years old. Being 27 means nothing. The only noticeable thing about it is that a lot of famous musicians died when they were 27. Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain . . . yep, 27's a magic number.

I haven't really thought too much about getting older. Since most of my hair's fallen out long ago, that anxiety has pretty much passed. For me, a birthday is an exciting time, filled with free dinners. It is those free dinners that I treasure most of all, much more than the love of my friends and family or any of that other sentimental gibberish.  Nope, I say "BRING ON THE GRUB!"

I'm heading back to good ol' East Tennessee this weekend, to hang out with my family and friends in a weekend-long Jessfest. Animal flesh shall be consumed, and brain cells shall be as devastated and easily conquered as the French during wartime. I'm looking forward to re-charging my batteries and savoring the all-too-brief time I have with my loved ones, before I come back to Nashvegas to do . . . whatever the hell it is that I do.

I'll be back on Monday, my actual birthday, a little bit older, and no more wiser. If you'd like to send me a birthday gift, here's an idea: Tuesday night, come see the open mike at Zanies, then swing on down to the Cantina to celebrate the night away with laughter and spirits. Performing comedy in front of PEOPLE?!?!?  That, my friends, would be the greatest gift of all.

Or, you could buy me something. Hell, I ain't gonna bitch. You know what would be cool? I love those Playstation 2s . . . that would kick ass. Those games are fun . . . have you played Madden 2002? Oh man, that's glorious . . . and I also like Gran Turismo 3, that's awesome. Plus, it's got a DVD player, I'd love to have one of those! With the Boogie Nights Criterion Edition, yeah. Hey, could you also get me a SurroundSound speaker system? Or a laptop computer? Or a hooker?  Or a car?  Or a car?  Or a CAR?

On second thought, just stick to Tuesday at Zanies and the Cantina. Go to www.nashvillestandup.com for more info, I hope to see you crazy Mangyheads there!  BASK IN THE GLORY OF MY JESSENCE!

This is the MangyDog, over and out.