Good news, everyone! I'M HERE!!

I saw "The Bourne Identity" this week. It actually wasn't that bad. Entertaining stuff, although Matt Damon has the charisma of tree bark. Ah well, some stuff blew up, the popcorn was good, and I even got a free pack of Twizzlers! Now that's a movie!

Alright, enough o' this Critic's Corner crap . . . besides, that's Oscar's job anyway.

Chad's in NYC this week, soaking up the charms of the Apple . . . he went to the Letterman taping; if you're reading this on Friday, check out tonight's Letterman and look for him in the audience. Let me know if he's gonna be on there, because I'm probably gonna crash early. I mean, who cares, it's Chad, ya know?

In other wonderful comedy news, Chad and I were both rejected by the New Orleans Comedy Festival. This is a shame, because I was just getting self-esteem. Now, it's all gone. Looks like it's back to the birthday and bar mitzvah circuit for us. Sigh.

However, I don't feel too bad . . . in our rejections, it was stated that we couldn't do it because we were, in their words, "too funny." Does that make any sense? What's the deal? HELLO?

Okay, that was a lie. Faithful readers of the "Dog" know that neither Chad nor I are what you would call "funny" or "entertaining." You have to understand, that's our style, our NICHE, if you will. Oh, and I know you will, baby . . . lean back and let me see your legs . . . oh yeah, honey . . . hold on, let me get some moisturizer . . .

Sorry, I got sidetracked. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, we're not funny.

Despite our comedic shortcomings, however, we do believe in what we're doing . . . We shall keep soldiering on, acceptance be damned, until we get an MC gig at Zanies. We're projecting that to happen sometime in early 2007. And once that happens, well, let's just say that our Ten-Year Plan will then work itself out.

Yes, the 2010s are shaping up to be the Mangy Decade . . . by that time, Chad and I will both be approaching our early forties, and like most older, menopausal crap comedians, we'll figure out 6 jokes of ours that work. We will then drive these jokes into the ground and rest on our laurels, and coast on the fact that we've been doing this for a long time. If we do this long enough, sure, we won't be funny, and we won't make any money at it, but we'll still be considered "experienced," "veterans," and maybe even "legends"! Hey, it worked for Bon Jovi and Styx, it can work for us!

GO MANGY, And remember: Experience overrides talent every time.  Unless you're Tom Arnold.  Some things can never be explained.

Wow, this was just about the most bitter column in history, wasn't it? Oh wait, no, it wasn't.

This is the MangyDog, over and out.