It's been several days since the attack . . . people are struggling to resume their lives, and a cloud of melancholy hovers over us all as we attempt to overcome our shellshock.

Well, dammit, I'm tired of feeling down . . . By gum, I'm supposedly Mr. Funnyman, telling his stupid little jokes and trying to get a rise out of the simple-minded clods in this world. So, I'm gonna go back to doing what I do best: Making fun of people I don't know. Let's begin.

Before these events happened, there was another nightmarish event that occurred in NYC: Michael Jackson's lavish all-star tribute to . . . himself.

"Hi, how ya doin? I'm a lunatic!"

Reportedly, Marlon Brando prattled on about starving children; there were 50 "Queens of the Silver Screen", including famed temptress Patty Duke, who were brought (kidnapped?) to suck on the hem of the King of Pop's garment, while His Popness watched on with gal pal Macaulay Culkin.

Wow, who knew that something involving Michael Jackson would degenerate into a self-indulgent freak show?

Quite simply, Michael Jackson is the weirdest human being in recorded history. What makes it worse is that he's filthy rich, allowing him to indulge in llamas, hyperbaric chambers, and phony marriages to daughters of icons.

Ah yes, the King of Odd . . . with each passing year, he delights us with his flights of fancy, his surgical masks and his monkeys, his 100-foot floating statues of himself . . . yes, he's truly something.

So, thanks, Mikey . . . in these bleak times, I can think about your surgery-scarred visage, about how you've apparently replaced the cartilage in your nose with a drinking straw, and I can chuckle freely, my paranoia and fear about our current situation dripping away with Jacko-fueled images of hope. Well, maybe not hope, but damn, he looks funny.

Notice that I didn't even mention the pedophilia.

This is the MangyDog, over and out, and remember . . . Osama Bin Laden is just Hitler with even sillier facial hair.