email Jesse

-         My best friend and former roommate Bubba moved outta the house last week.  He and his wonderful girlfriend headed across the state to begin a new chapter in their lives.  Bubba's a great man and a great friend, and I'm really excited for him.

A toast to you, my friend . . . I will be down as soon as I can.  Mazel tov, old boy!

-         I was watching the documentary "The Vampire Murders" on HBO last night.  It's about the kids in that vampire cult from Kentucky that murdered a couple of people.  It was a rather sensationalistic and tacky little program that attempted to show how the vampire culture thrives due, in part, to the influence of film and television.

However, there was one aspect of this murderous cult that was never really touched upon: 

They were from Kentucky.

HELLO?!?!  When will people stop blaming film, television, and music and accept the fact that some people are just inbred morons?

If you think that killing people and having blood orgies is fun, remember: You think that way because you are an idiot.  I can't stress this enough - YOU ARE A DUMBSHIT.  Now stop writing bad poetry, go out in the sun, and play some tee ball, ya fuckin' numbskull.

-         Lately, there's been a big to-do over music's latest Flavor of the Month, Limp Bizkit.  They are enormously popular, and that's all well and good for them.  But as I look at this band a little bit closer, I have come to realize something:

Limp Bizkit is the Grand Funk Railroad of the new millennium.

Think about it.  Like Grand Funk, they're loud, they're stupid, and they're obnoxious.  Like Grand Funk, critics despise them, but they continue to sell records by the buttload.  Limp Bizkit is doin' it "for the nookie", Grand Funk plays so that they can get with some "fine ladies" and "proceed to tear that hotel down."  Hell, just look at their pictures:

See?  Each group has that whole "We are SERIOUS" look to them.  Take special note of each group's "It's all about the music . . . dude" intensity.  What a pack of clowns.

The only difference between Limp Bizkit and Grand Funk Railroad is that Grand Funk fans did 'ludes, and Limp Bizkit fans do meth.  So, to all you Limp Wristed fans out there, remember:  They're an American band.

-         While I'm discussing music, or the lack thereof, I'd like to tell you about a CD that you need to go out and hunt down . . . Sex Packets by Digital Underground.  It was the first rap CD I ever bought, and it still holds up today.  From "The Humpty Dance" to "Gutfest '89", Sex Packets is one of the great party CDs of all time.  So go out and buy it, and Doowutchyalike.

-         Before I go, I would like to tell you the most offensive joke I know:

Q:  What is 18 inches long, rock hard, and can make a woman scream every time?

A:  Crib death.

Do you have an offensive joke?  Then, by all means, send it to me, and I'll be glad to put it on the site and credit ya for it.

Have a great semi-week . . . This is the MangyDog . . . over and out.