Mangy Dog

Paul Strickland travels the country, getting angrier and angrier for our benefit.  Every now and then, Paul sends out an open letter to the various nitwits of the world.  Learn more about Paul at CrankyComic.com.

Dear Ms. Mannerless-Mouth…

The theater and the movie were both dark.  The serial killer sprinted into a muddy forest, and Hollywood’s most handsome FBI agent ran in behind him, soaked with rain.  The only sound was heavy raindrops falling on wet leaves.  The FBI agent stood still, looking around, and when the psycho-killer stepped out from the tree behind our hero, you actually screamed “HE’S BEHIND YOU, HE’S BEHIND YOU!!!”  I was in front of you, wishing I also had a gun (with a silencer).

Maybe you don’t know what a movie IS.  Much like a book, a movie is already written, and the outcome doesn’t change, not even when you yelp at it like an idiot.  Do you try to help the people in books, too?  I can only hope they don’t let you into the library!

At the end of that scene, you said, aloud, “I thought he was going to shoot him!”  We all did, you noisy moron!  We all had thoughts about the giant moving picture in front of us, but we kept them inside our heads, like civil people do.  You’re like the guy in the elevator who announces he has gas, so it’s kind of awkward right before it gets REALLY awkward.

I know you’re just trying to enjoy the movie, but so were we.  If you keep your thoughts on the inside, people can’t keep a count of how few good ones you actually have.

I hope one day to enjoy the movie I just sat in front of…

Paul Strickland