The 4th Annual Heinous Bastard College Football Preview!

Hey there sports fans!  It is me, the Heinous One! I am back, and not just to enlighten the few and bore the masses, but to present to you one the long standing traditions here at Mangy Dog. What could he be speaking of, you ask yourself? Why, The 4th Annual Heinous Bastard College Football Preseason Spectacular, that's what! For four years now, I have prognosticated the outcome of the upcoming season and for three years, I have done what few others have been able to accomplish -- look at myself in the mirror and say, "Hell Yeah!" Last season was the finest ever for ole HB, and this year attempts to not only match last year, but to surpass it with vigor.

But first, a few words from HB about some of the other important things happening in sports right now.....

Ummm, those guys with the short pants that hit the ball with a stick might go on strike.

OK, now on to important business! Last season was entertaining to the max; with the exception of the championship game, it was a huge toss-up. Teams like Maryland and Fresno State brought tears to our eyes, and brought back days in our childhood when the underdog actually won against the Goliath teams. Neither team will be so fortunate this year, which begs the question, who will be the Cinderella of the 2002 season? I personally like two teams to kick a little ass this year, though not make it to the big Bowl games: Mississippi and Boise State. Both teams have talented quarterbacks and should make waves in their respective conference races. Though neither team is picked highly, if even in the top 40, watch out for the headlines they make! I guarantee it!

But forget those chumps, let's look at the Top 10 in ascending order, per usual, and keep in mind that betting on my predictions will make you a fortune! Scratch that, I am still writing for Mangy, so I haven't made millions yet. Ahh, do whatever the hell you want.

Here we go:

10) Georgia. I do not care for the Bulldogs, as they have a 2 game winning streak against my boys, but you have to give them credit where credit is due. Their coach is terrific, their returning QB, David Greene, is on the rise, and the defense is stout. But forget that, the rest of the offense is powerful. Their wide receivers are fast, tough and can handle your best on any given day. Their schedule is not to be questioned, as they play the usual suspects, Florida, Tennessee, and Georgia Tech once again. They will lose to one of these teams and another loss, possibly to Auburn.

9) Colorado. You know what is funny? This Colorado team is one of those teams that people take a little too lightly. Gone are the days when Colorado would fold like a a drunk in his first poker game ::gulp:: . Colorado has been brought back a tradition of excellence due to diligence, a few recruiting violations and lots of cash paid under the table. But lets talk shop. Colorado is an all-around talented team that beat the all-get-out out of Nebraska last year and got squat for its efforts. Almost the entire team returns, including a talented QB, Craig Ochs, and a workhorse offense and defense. This year won't be shoo-in, but the Buffs will be the favorites in most of their games. I still see a two loss year, possibly costing the Buffs a chance at the Big XII and the championship.

8) Texas. Yeah, that's right -- Texas! I know that other people have put Texas on the top of the list, but here is one Texan that believes that the Horns are a bunch of wimps. There is no way that Chris Simms leads these guys to the promised land. Mark it down. Over the past few years, no team has had the talent that Texas has possessed. No team has fallen short as many times, either. Mack Brown is probably the finest recruiting coach in the country, save Phil Fulmer, but cannot coach in game day situations. That is a fact that cannot be disputed. However, as talented as they are, and as bad as their coach is, even a dog gets lucky with a French poodle every now and then. Texas will win 9 games this season, and probably whine the entire way to the Orange Bowl. You can only mess up with that much talent a few times a season, and they have one loss looking them dead in the eyes...of Texas.

7) Florida State. These guys are like a bad video starring Britney Spears. You want them to go away, but darn it, they are so delicious. Um, I mean, they are such a good football team. Yeah that's it. After the downfall last season, it stands to reason that FSU would suck again this year. Not so fast, Speedy! Even though the Redskins stole their uniforms, Bobby Bowden and his horrendous use of the now-famous term "Let's Roll," will power the Semis to a fat season. Why? Well, for starters, Maryland will be down, and there is no way that North Carolina is doing it to them again. Chris Rix at QB is enough to propel an average team, let alone one as talented as FSU. Just as every year before, FSU has all-stars at every position and will trample most of their opponents.

6) Florida. Ron Zook is an interesting man, and his first year at Florida will prove to be a tough one at best. Games against Florida State, Miami, Tennessee and Georgia are not exactly inviting, but he signed up for it, not me. In all reality, this Florida team is so loaded that you would think that Lawrence Taylor was their mascot. Rex Grossman, barring injury, wins the Heisman easily this year, and Florida loses 2 games. However, Florida loses early and builds back up at the end of the year, only to face Texas in the Orange Bowl. Poor Chris Simms.

5) Nebraska. These guys won't go away. Losing Heisman Trophy winner Eric Crouch will do the same to this team as Tennessee losing AJ Suggs. It almost makes me cringe the way those guys lost in the Rose Bowl last year, because I feel their pain. Anytime a team loses to Miami, I get a little misty eyed. Actually, the defense is back this year, after being embarrassed by UM and will be taking some names this year. Watch out Chris Simms.

4) Oregon. Last year was not a fluke, and the Ducks mean to prove it. Behind the running of Heisman candidate and notorious pot smoker, Onterrio Smith, the Ducks mean business. The Pac 10 is not as strong this year as last, but Oregon will top the cake. I can only speculate that Oregon will lose a game, but to whom I don't know. They face a tough Mississippi State team in their opener, but after that, Oregon State? I don't know. I'll be honest. What I do know is that somehow, without doubt, Oregon will be screwed out of the Championship. Again.

3) Oklahoma. The Sooners are going to have another season, no doubt. Their entire team consists of winners; from the head coach down to the waterboy, these guys are class acts. The only team that stands in their way would be Texas, then the Big XII North winner, namely, Nebraska. So why will Oklahoma not be in the Championship game? Well, for starters, QB Jason White is going to have to step back in to the starting role after going under the knife last year. While some QBs come back strong, it is hard to tell how an athlete will recover from a knee injury. Fortunately, the Sooners pack a punch with the rest of the team, which means the White will have an opportunity to come back slowly. The Sooners, like it or not are going to around for a while, and it is nice to see.

2) Miami Hurricanes. They will lose one time this season, then play that team again for the Championship....

1) Tennessee Volunteers. Yes, this is the very first time that I have picked UT to finish first in the polls. While Tennessee had so many players drafted last year, not all of them were solid starters. The holes in Tennessee's lineup are at wide receiver and defensive line. That is it. I know it sounds like a lot, but consider that the Vols are strong everywhere else, including a secondary that is strong as it has been in a decade, and you really have to only worry about chemistry. Chemistry is what won the Vols the title in 1998, and will do so again in 2002. The one thing that stands out to me right now is the mouth of Kelly Washington. Although he is a man among boys on the field, he will see a lot of double coverage this year, which means others will have to step up, big time. However, Washington needs to stop thinking about his own stats as much as he does about winning. I miss Al Wilson.

So there you have it. Tennessee goes undefeated this season, beating Miami twice, the last one for the title. Somewhere in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, a man is crying because he thinks that the Vols are the devil.

So what perennial top teams did we leave out of this years poll? Teams like Michigan, Ohio State, Washington, and Wisconsin will have to wait another year. The Big X is down this year, and it will show in the polls.

Thank you very much for your time, and good night.