email The Heinous Bastard

OK, here goes. This is the first weekend of college football when games are played between teams that we care about. I know everyone was interested in the Florida State- Brigham Young game, but not me. I have been waiting all summer for Florida-Ball State. What a powerhouse game! I know what you are thinking, and yes Florida does play some good competition later in the year, why even next week they play... Middle Tennessee State University. UGH!

What you have been waiting for, though, is the finale of the Heinous Bastard's 2nd Annual College Football Bonanza, and I am here to please. As in, "Please God, I hope these picks are correct!"

So let us take a look back and see what we have done so far.

10) Georgia
9) Kansas State
8) Wisconsin-- this was before HB knew that 26 players would be suspended from the first 2 games, but oh well.

Okay, here goes . . . You hear it here first folks....

Ole Miss is headed into its best year in decades. Deuce McAllister is the real deal, and the defense will step up and make big plays. Look for the Rebels to beat Alabama, but lose a game they shouldn't, possibly against Tulane, who knows?

Michael Vick. Enough said. The Hokies lost a ton of guys on defense, but return an unquestionably great offense. Look for Vick to win the Heisman and Tech to lose one game, probably against Miami. By the way, what is a Hokie, you may ask? It is how I got into your mamma's room last night!

As much as I hate to say it, the Gators have the talent, but no experience. They are pretty smart, which is why the load up on the cupcakes early in the season. Their inexperience will be tested against Tennessee, but they will probably prevail. They lose to Florida State, but that is it.

The Tide are tough. No doubt about it. They will go undefeated throughout the season, and lose in the SEC championship game, thus ruining their bid for the National Championship. Don't be fooled into thinking that the departure of Shaun Alexander is going to ruin the Crimson Tide -- it won't. The Tide have the weapons to open up that offense and put people away.

The Wolverines have a couple of tough games, but will cruise through the season as though they played Northwestern every week. Michigan is back, and not going anywhere for a while. If there are any upsets for the Wolverines, look to the last game of the season, Ohio State. Believe it or not, OSU is looking for blood, and they might, for once, get it.

The Seminoles will go undefeated. And why not? They have lost 2 conference games in about 6 years, and that number will not grow any this year. They are loaded once again and there is nothing that we, as mortals, can do about it. Chris Weinke has the targets and the motivation to win it all again this year. As close as he is to retirement, he needs to get on the ball.  However, they will lose to...

Pop quiz: Who has been the thorn in the Huskers side for the last 4 years? Tennessee? Not likely. Florida? Not even close. Texas? You got it. The Huskers have had some problems with Texas in the past, not that is matters this year because they do not play them. This is the number one reason that Nebraska goes undefeated and wins the Orange Bowl. The Huskers will win the Big XII and go into the final game against FSU pumped up. There are no question marks surrounding Nebraska this year as there have been in previous years. Mark it down, this is the year of Nebraska (again).

So there you have it, all the top 10. My one surprise is Mississippi, so watch out for them.

Now, to the question of the week sent to me from a loyal reader:

Heinous Bitch,
What the hell are you thinking? Kansas State will destroy all enemies that cross their path. They are the greatest team in history and you should recognize!

Dave

Well Dave,
All I have to say to you is that you are a loser. You have too much time on your hands. One question: Are your genitals orange? If so, then you are spending too much time with the Cheetos.