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Law And Order's Angie Harmon.  Don't piss her off!

Welcome back to the world of sports, peasants.  The Heinous Bastard has returned to enlighten you and make your day as full as possible.  Full of what, I do not know, but definitely something. 

Before we get back to our College Football Top Ten list, lets talk about a few things shall we? 

1) Those stupid baseball umpires.

Let me tell you something, the tail does not wag the dog.  These fools wanted to try to ruin baseball.  They wanted baseball to say, †Oh no, they are leaving! How will we ever play the game without our valuable umps?ÿ  Well guess what umps?  Baseball called your bluff.  You now have to return to baseball with your tails between your legs.  As you may have heard, or figured out, the baseball umps who threatened to retire have now applied to reverse their retirement.  I guess they figured that a four month vacation every year was too good to pass up. And just last week, when every ump wanted to come back, the league said, †Oh, you think so, do you?ÿ.  Instead of letting all the guys come back, they told about a third of them that they would stay retired because they already hired a replacement for them.  Nice.  I have zero sympathy for these guys.  I know we pay to see great games, and these umpires call a great game.  But, at no time whatsoever did they become the main attraction.  Welcome to the back seat of class, umps.

2)  Professional athletes who would rather win than suffer on a bad team.

OK, this may need some explanation.  I have no problem with guys like Carl Pickens who have suffered through year after year of mediocrity.  Pickens is an all-star who produces very well on his team, the Cincinnati Bengals.  The Bengals, however, are terrible.  Barry Sanders is the same.  Great player, possibly the best running back ever, but on a team that has won one playoff game this decade.  So here is where it gets interesting, and where these two guys differ.  Pickens wants out of Cincinnati, and doesnŠt care where he goes, as long as they win every now and then.  Money is no issue, he will take a pay cut.  Sanders, on the other hand, is a total punk.  Yes, thatŠs right, a total punk.  As you know, Sanders retired on Thursday, July the 28th.  He said he was tired of losing (sound familiar?).  He said he had known he was going to retire in January.  So what is wrong with that?  Plenty.  If the greatest active running back knows he is going to retire early in the year, why wouldnŠt he say something then?  Why wouldnŠt he tell his coaches to draft a few backs to replace him?  So now as training camp starts around the league, the Lions have to scramble to find a replacement.  Horrible, childish, irresponsible action on Sanders part.

3)  Quarterbacks who canŠt take a hit

I just thought I would take a moment to say a few words about QBŠs.  Lately, there has been a lot of talk in the locker room at the University of Tennessee about quarterbacks who cannot take a hit.  You know the type: pretty-boy, drop-back passer.  Folks, let me tell you, those days are gone.  Everyday there are stronger, meaner athletes out there who want to make a living hurting people on the football field.  QBŠs beware.  Gone are the days of  Dan Marino(not quite posthumous) and, dare I say, Gary Hogeboom.  Guys, you have to be able to take a hit.  If you take a look at the top QBŠs drafted this year, what do you find?  A lot of athleticism.  Besides Tim Couch, the number 1 pick overall, the rest are quick, strong and can take a hit.  So  I donŠt question the tendency for top pretty boys to avoid playing in the Southeastern Conference.  Such wusses as Chris Simms, whose tendencies to shy away from competition and hard hits, make him a great contender for patsy of the month.  UT players and coaches agree that Simms would have a difficult time adjusting to the rough play.  Chris, you made a fine choice: go to Texas and ride the pine.  At Texas there is no competition, and riding the pine is virtually pain free.  You should fit right in.

Alright, now back to the poll. So far we have Wisconsin at 10, Florida at 9, and Texas A&M at 8.  What follows could get me in a lot of trouble, but this is how I see it.

7  Arizona

The Wildcats come off a very impressive season in 1998, going 12-1 and finishing off with a bowl win over Nebraska.  Sounds impressive enough, but there are flaws.  One major problem with Arizona is this quarterback switching.  All of last year, coach Dick Tomey alternated QBŠs Keith Smith and Otege Jenkins series to series.  Now this worked for them because defenses had no idea what was coming at them.  Now they do.  Let us not forget that friends can become enemies over things like playing time.  Another difference between this year and last is the cornerback position.  In my opinion, and others, Chris McAlister was the most outstanding player last year in the Pac10 conference.  McAlisters ability to play the corner was unmatched.  Alas, he is gone.  The Wildcats have little chance to break in any freshman, as they open against perennial powerhouse Penn State.  This could get ugly as both teams are in the hunt for a national championship.  I see a loss to Penn State and another down the line, possibly from UCLA in October.

6  Ohio State 

As much as I hate these guys, by golly, they are good.  As usual, the Buckeyes (which literally is a poisonous nut) are loaded with talent.  DonŠt be fooled, they lost a lot of great athletes last  year, but they reload, they donŠt rebuild.  Games are usually won in the trenches, and the trenches return in this case.  OSU brings back both of  their lines intact from last year.  The quarterback position, and linebacking corp poses questions that coach John Cooper has to answer.  Quickly.  OSU opens their season against an up-and-coming University of Miami team that had a super season last year.  The schedule here is tough, with battles against UCLA, Wisconsin, and Michigan.  I see OSU losing middle to late in the season, yet again pissing John Cooper off royally, and spoiling any BCS Championship bid for the Buckeyes for another year.

5  Nebraska

OK, so this pick is virtually a lock.  Nebraska returns a 15 starters from a year ago.  Of course these are the same guys that led Nebraska to an embarrassing 9-4 season.  That really is considered blasphemy in a place like Lincoln.   However, fear not Cornhuskers, your ship has come in.  Not only do you have a solid group returning, you have a weak Big XII schedule.  Truly, the only tests will come from the big Texas teams who swept Nebraska last year.  I see an upset loss to one of them, probably A&M, who is hungry to show their might.  Ah, but payback is Hell, as Nebraska destroys the Aggies in the Big XII Championship game to go on to the Orange Bowl.

4  Tennessee

The reigning national champs have a ton of talent and expectations.  With terrific strength on the defensive and offensive lines, it will be a wonder if anyone can score on them or stop them from scoring.  So why the ranking?  Two things.  First, scheduling.  The Volunteers play a very tough schedule that has them travelling to Florida and to Alabama.  The trip to Alabama will be the first ever varsity football game the Vols have ever played in Tuscaloosa.  Usually, the game is played in Birmingham, in a larger stadium.  This will be on the campus.  Big difference as far as home field advantage.  Notre Dame also visits the Vols, always a tough team, with Georgia, and Auburn making the trip as well.  The other problem for Tennessee is the special teams and wide receiver positions.  There is a lot of unproven talent at WR, but no real game time.  At place-kicker, there is no one.  I see Tennessee losing one game this year, but winning the SEC regardless. 

Let me know what you think by ing on the link below.  If you have anything interesting to contribute, I will give you my full attention.  If you want something discussed, as have people before you, just let me know.