Mangy Dog

From time to time, we’ll post some of the older Mangy Dog articles of the past, just to remind you that we’ve always been annoying jackasses.

HAPPY FOR APPETIZERS, Part 1:  Chick-Fil-A
April 21, 2007


(EDITOR’S NOTE:  Mark Anundson is hilarious.  His website, Happy For Apathy,is filled to the brim with top-notch ha-ha’s.  He has been kind enough to grace Mangy with a new regular column, showcasing his fast-food expertise.  Kick back, enjoy, and let us know what you think.)

Why I love Chick-Fil-A or as my mom made me pronounce it when I was a kid Chick ah fill ah, she also made me drop my voice down a few octaves and use an African American accent.*  My first Chick-Fil-A experience was at the Echelon Mall in Vorhees NJ.  I don’t remember my exact age but it was somewhere between really awkward and hair on the balls. For the first time in my existence my parents allowed me to walk out of the JC Penny’s unsupervised.  I walked by a little white store with basic red writing and a very pleasant aroma.  I was intrigued by the aroma and even more drawn in by the huge picture menu.  Basically you could get Chicken and Waffle Fries or Waffle Fries and Chicken. (this is in the early 80’s the nugget had not been invented yet)

The giant picture of a deep fried breast resting on two perfectly placed pickles sandwiched between two butter toasted buns made my prepubescent mouth water, I longed to get my hands on one of them there chicken sammies.  I reached in my pocket to get a hold of my bankroll and quickly remembered I spent all of my money trying to get the high score on Centipede earlier in the day.  I was depressed, I knew my parents wouldn’t give me any money because we finished dinner 10 minutes earlier at the JC Penny Café. (Do you remember the days of the department store restaurant? Man those were the days)

Just as I was about to lose hope a pleasant woman with a red tray walked up to me and asked me if I would like a sample.  She then
presented a tray stacked with little bits of chicken pierced by a toothpick.  I softly pulled on the tray and she said no sweetie just take one toothpick.  Since I was a good boy I did as I was told and only took one.  I placed the chicken to my nose the way a guy who watched “Sideways” a few times sticks his entire nose in a glass of Turning Leaf.  I then placed the tiny morsel in my mouth and saw skyrockets, yes the same ones Bobby saw when he kissed Millicent. (Blind Mary from Little House) I can barely remember chewing and swallowing but there is no doubt in my mind I did.  I reached for another toothpick and this time the kind lady giggled and said sorry sweetie only one per customer.  I walked away feeling like a guy who just ended a short romance with Jessica Alba, you want to kill yourself because it’s over but if your dead you can’t bask in the memory of the Alba.  As I wandered through the mall my mind was on one thing and one thing alone, THE CHICKEN.  I checked my Swatch and it was almost time to meet the parents back at the JCP.  As I approached the Chick-Fil-A I noticed a family standing by the chicken sample lady.  The family was gathered round the tray pulling at the toothpicks and sampling the delicious chicky chick bites.  I attempted to pull a walk by.  I casually walked up behind the dad, kept my head out of view from the sample lady and reached for a toothpick.  Although my head was well hidden I am sure my grimy hands were all too familiar to my friend.

Sample Lady said, Sweetieeeee only one sample per customer, then she jerked the tray back and gave me a dirty look.  There was a brief moment of awkward silence broken by the mother of the family who sighed in disappointment.  My face turned 10 shades of red and I walked away with a craving for Chick-Fil-A Chicken that can never be quenched.

I visit the Chick-Fil-A once a week and order a “Manundso” combo.  The “Manundso” combo is just the number one combo with cheese on the sandwich and an extra sandwich with cheese for good luck.  Be sure to add mayo to the sandwiches and get a couple extra mayo packs to dip your waffle fries in.  Don’t be fooled by the two choices of mayo go with the Chick-Fil-A brand, the Hellmann’s brand comes in fancy packaging but it lacks the creamy smoothness that the home team mayo brings to the table.

If the Manundso combo is too manly for you then order the “Little Buddy” combo it is just a number one combo (no cheese) with an order of nuggets.  Again I would go with the mayo for dipping but you may be a little more health conscious and want to try the sweet and sour.  The honey mustard dipping sauce is a little too vinegary and lacks the sweetness most of us fast food junkies are used to from our favorite joints.

You really can’t go wrong with any of the real chicken sandwiches, the chicken salad sandwich at 99 cents may appeal to the budget luncher but trust me the amount of gas this thing will give you could fuel a small nation for a month.  If you are brave enough to try this sandwich be sure to go with the toasted bun. Overall Chick-Fil-A has the freshest food, the best service and an atmosphere that is sure to make you want to get a vasectomy.

The Drive-Thru can’t be beat and every now and again they give a decent buy one get one free coupon at the bottom of the bag.  The Chick-Fil-A gets excellent scores all across the Manundso score card except for variety.  I love the chicken but I would love to see the menu expand in other areas.  I know burgers are out of the question but could you imagine a big burger with American cheese on one of the Chick-Fil-a buns??  Wow I can!!! Stay tuned for that experiment!!!

Be sure to stop by Chick-Fil-A in Brentwood TN and tell them old Manundso sent you.  Be sure to enter the Million Nugget contest and watch the Chick-Fil-A bowl Dec. 30th, 2007 @ 8:00pm on ESPN and ESPN HD.

 

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*There is no such thing as an African American Accent but if there were it would sound something like Scatman Crothers.