NAME: Jesse Perry

BUST: 56 WAIST: 79 HIPS: 2

HEIGHT: 5' 3" WEIGHT: 356 lbs.

BIRTH DATE: June 3, 1975

BIRTH PLACE: Clinton, TN, Home of the Dragons . . . and Freddy

AMBITIONS: To achieve success through a series of illegal money-making schemes, including Mangy Dog, America's 15th favorite humor webzine.

TURN-ONS: chicks with guns, intelligence, any movie without Keanu Reeves, football, free beer, old bootleg Walter Matthau porn movies (don't ask how I got 'em, but damn, Wally was NASTY!), your mom

TURN-OFFS: stupid people, Keanu Reeves (I know, I'm being redundant), pretty much every song released the last 5 years, pretentious jackasses who think they're deep because their poems don't rhyme, George W. Bush, Al Gore, your mom

BIO: Jesse Perry was born in Clinton, TN in 1975, the son of 3 sharecroppers and a basketball player named Mookie. After leaving his beloved hometown, Jesse went to the University of Tennessee. He was drunk a lot.

After sobering up, Jesse went to Nashville and went to Watkins Film School. To kill time, he founded Mangy Dog Semi-Weekly and perfected the art of the shameless plug.

While at Watkins, Jesse made a short film that was shown at the Valleyfest Film Festival in Knoxville. Jesse also learned how to do web design, making him truly one of the most versatile people on the planet.

When asked about his accomplishments, Jesse has this to say: "Big whoop, I'm still broke. Gimme a quarter." Although he didn't get the quarter, he did make us laugh. Way to go, Jesse!